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A taxonomy of World Cup posts on Facebook

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With the football World Cup fever running high, I hereby present a brief classification of World Cup related posts (status messages) on Facebook.

Category 1. The News Feed/Commentary

These posts do nothing more than stating what transpired, at the end of the game.

Format: <Team A beats team B. To meet team C in next match>

But why? Unless I want to risk myself with exposure to shit-loads of life-changing, mind-boggling status messages, why the heck would I go to Facebook, of all places, to check the match score!

Perhaps, these messages are used by non-creative people on FB (those who do not have the intelligence, charm, awesomeness, etc. to write an interesting post, which at least 1001 (in binary) of their friends list would “like” or comment on or drool over or have an orgasm for) to show that they have indeed been following the match.

A more annoying and thankfully rare subtype is Continuous Live Feed with a post to describe every damn minute of the game.

Category 2. The Expert Insight

These posts originate from the scores of resident football experts and pandits present on Facebook. Their primary purpose is to enlighten other non-expert readers with the real reasons for one team losing the game and pointing out where the coach went wrong with surgical precision.

Format 1: Team A lost the match due to their <slow/tired/hyped> <attack/defense/midfield>
Format 2: Coach A played the <ABC/EFG>formation while he should have gone for <EFG/ABC> formation.
Format 3: Team A– playing <short passes/long balls> would have a better approach against team B than playing <long balls/short passes>

Category 3. The Romantic Outburst

The source of such messages are generally girls who follow football only during the World Cup primarily to discuss football strategies, tactics, etc. with their boyfriends to fill up the conversation when taking a break from talking about more serious stuff like what they had for breakfast/lunch/dinner, what the weather was like, what color shirt they are wearing (yes, shirt) . Another identifiable trait of such messages is that the source quite often changes her favorite player based on the match results of that day.

Format: <Player A, I love you!>
Next day <Player B, I love you!>
(upper case characters, inter-capitalization, insane punctuation, etc. hidden here keeping in mind your well-being)

Category 4. The Emotional Rant

These messages truly exhibit the kind of following, excitement, worship that the World Cup receives from millions (and millions) of football fans on Facebook. Depending on whether your favorite team won or lost, the post either heaps praises in abundance (all in the choicest of GRE words), or hit out at the coach or the player who underperformed (in the choicest of curse words).

Format: <Varies>

Category 5. The Linguist

So what’s with these posts in Spanish, German, Portuguese, Dutch, etc? You’re pretty sure you don’t know any of those languages, and most people on your list don’t either. So save some of those CPU cycles being wasted on Google Translate.

Format: <Lines containing viva/para/vamos/enchante  etc.>

Category 6. The Neo-sports-bar Fan

Format: <At eatout A, had dish1, dish2, dish3 with friend1, friend2, friend3. And BTW, looks like there was this football match being shown on the screen. So this automatically makes it an awesome evening and myself a football fanatic>

Pretty self-explanatory.

***

And to a select subset of facebookers, please do not say “I am watching FIFA”. WTF is that supposed to mean anyway? When I watch cricket, I don’t say I am watching ICC. (Comparatively, calling football soccer is a lesser insanity)

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Written by aaotwistkarein

July 3, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Posted in Uncategorized